So there's this thing known as OCD, and this thing kind of like it known as OCPD. Technically, I fall under categories of both and have been working to over come it. There's this component of OCD however that has seemed to be absent from my mind. Until not.
Under a light-hearted general description of the obsessive compulsive disorder, the average person would find a key component of 'excessive worry and constant fear that the worst will happen.' Yes this happens when I feel I need to do something...I just need to do it or something bad WILL happen and I can't describe it any other way. That's one way this description applies. However, many OCD sufferers relay experiences of visions of just general destruction and generally bad things happening to those they love or themselves. I had never experienced this before.
When I said goodbye to Tyna this weekend, it was just kind of like blah de blah I'll see you when you get there on the internet, but somehow I could not let it leave my mind. I had horrific ideas of terrorism and her getting stuck and lost somewhere or missing all of her planes. Stuff like that. I barely slept Sunday night, and figured it was because I knew she was having problems with arrangements. I even broke out in a wave of stress acne. Then I said goodbye to Irenka, and the same thing happened. I tried to keep in contact with ANYONE who might know the travel situations of the two. I learned that Tyna was grounded in Atlanta, but I also fond out that Irenka got to JFK alright.
Both of them arrived safely in Ostrava yesterday, and only then did I feel a wave of relief. I smiled freely and got an appetite again and I was able to have fun with friends. it was the most amazing feeling ever. Of course now all I do is curse the 6 hour time difference and hope to catch either one of my friends online. I want to use the camcorder that I am using as a temporary webcam and I just want to see them. I realize that it is truly amazing how much a friendship can bud and progress in a single year.
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I know what you mean about the fear thing. I watched your "virtual" airplane fly through the "virtual" sky on a Flight tracker website last summer when you guys went to Europe. It feels like I am stuck and can't do anything else until the situation is resolved.
About the friend thing - I have always told my kids to try new things and go new places because you neverknow,you may meet your new best friend. What a terrible thing to miss out on because you are afraid. Sometime a new friend is someone you have just met and sometimes it is someone you have known since 4th grade. I am so glad that you and Rachel have become such good friends, it's okay it took until last summer to happen. Really good things are worth waiting for.
I hope to have you at my house a lot this summer and I hope Iget to hear about all of the wonderful adventures God has for your life in the future.
Sorry Stacy - I mean RACHEL'S MOM
You write very well.
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