Let's Try this

So...I seriously am NOT going to let this blog thing go down the drain...it was so close but I saved it at the last minute. I also don't want it to become that thing into which I pour all of my sad feelings and make it depressing, so I will try not to.

I got nothing accomplished this weekend...but I don't care because I have 1.2 days of school this week. When I finally sat down to do my math review packet, I kicked ass at it, so it's all good. And I am so very happy that I have one midterm and it is math. I can handle math because it does not rely on the concrete memorization of facts, it can always be derived from somewhere.

I ran into a dilemma this weekend that I can't discuss here and can only discuss it with a few people with which I feel like sharing it. I just don't know what to do about it, because it's a one way street. I'm going to try to stop explaining it while being vague. Just ask me if you wanna know.

Things brightened tonight on a spontaneous jitters date with two of my favorite foreigners. I don't knw why, but we seem to get each other and things just seem to work out when we talk. I feel kinda guilty when I do this though and I shouldn't, but I feel as though I am abandoning my oldest friends who know me better than anyone else to talk it out with my newest ones. I'm not really abandoning though...again, I give up.

I have an odd feeling lately, a strong feeling to cry. Not of sadness though, of joy. I want to be blown off my feet by something so wonderful that it fills my eyes with tears of joy, but I don't know what it could be. Maybe it's a sort of sign for things to come, that it's going to happen to me soon, but I don't think so. It takes a lot to get me going emotionally like that, though I have eased up over the past year or so. I still just want SOMETHING to happen. it seems that life takes a standstill in winter. That things sort of stop in their tracks and I don't like it. I need something exciting, a little grease on my engine, and basketball season is not the answer...I hate basketball.

I just need something special and I feel guilty for it.