I hate days like today, where the rller coaster of life defines itself at one of its most intense up down bunny hill moments...like the end of the Superman. My emotions were all over first of all...happy-sad-happy-sad. I had issues, then I didn't have issues, then I had issues again. Things were crappy, good, crappy, good. I don't know what to make of it all.
To start a good note I have made a major step...I have an AP Bio test tomorrow...aka question sets are due oh no! For the first time EVER, I finished them before midnight...9:15 to be exact, and I started them yesterday, stayed after school until 4:00 yesterday and today, and went to the mall yesterday. I'm either getting really good at BSing questions, or I really know my evolution...for tests sake, I hope it's the latter.
I found myself positively stumped today, and not just with my roller coaster life, but
with my closest friends. I ran across a few situations where I just didn't know what to do, and I still don't know. I'm not going to expound, but sometimes I hate not being a good empathizer, not being able tto give good advice (which I seriously almost typed bons conseils...did I mention I'm in a French mood?)
At times I wish I had somewhere to look other than at my feet. Things need to be more clear, my scientific brain can't handle it...haha.
Seriously though, to all those I let down today, sorry I couldn't help.
This entry makes no sense. Maybe I shouldn't write it so late at night...that's ok...my last one I liked.
I got to show my Mactivist side today...someone asked me in gym what makes a Mac so much better than a PC...oh boy did I fly on that one :)
mercredi 31 janvier 2007
dimanche 28 janvier 2007
I Heart Apple
So I was inspired today...by one of my favorite companies ever, Apple. Everyone knows that I am a Mac Snob and I truly love my iPod and that in my world, PC is far inferior. Lately I've been angry about the recognition Mac gets as far as common software updates and versions, I am a Mac Rights Activist, and I want to do something about it.
Aside from that though, I ran across a documentary today about the iPod revolution...it's progression and how it came to shake the world. I know Apple's history and it's struggles and such over the years (Pirates of Silicon Vally anyone?), but I haven't really looked into recent history of the company.
This documentary got me thinking about my own future. In 1996, Steve Jobs returned to the company he had founded, but left 11 years earlier. He was re-accepted as a changed man. Those 11 years are my High school years...a sort of hibernating period to find out who I am and who I want to be. The early years of apple are my primary years as I figured out the basics to my life and develop unintentionally into who I am.
When Steve Jobs returned, he shook things up...a lot. Life at the company had been boring, with pathetic advances and measly crap ideas. I'm not going to give you Apple's history in it's entirety...but if you want it, you can ask me later. Basically, I look at myself now as I look at Apple in 1996. I am under new jurisdiction. I have a future ahead of me that is completely new ad untouched. I am cutting loose from the ties of high school and walking into the unknown, and I can be WHAT I WANT to be. I can sketch out a whole entirely new person for myself to be. Nobody has to know of my past, it is essentially obsolete. Sure people knew the company Apple used to be, but think. What first comes to your mind when it is mentioned? iPod, music revolution, superior design and function (maybe not...but it should)
No matter who you are, everyone needs this. To shake free of the stupid choices we made in jr. high, and to just live life how you want it.
For the first time in a long time, I am completely content with who I am and who I am about to become. I am going to make a list of things I wanna be rid of and things I want to take with me n my journey to college, maybe I'll even pick up a few traits.
I love Apple.
Aside from that though, I ran across a documentary today about the iPod revolution...it's progression and how it came to shake the world. I know Apple's history and it's struggles and such over the years (Pirates of Silicon Vally anyone?), but I haven't really looked into recent history of the company.
This documentary got me thinking about my own future. In 1996, Steve Jobs returned to the company he had founded, but left 11 years earlier. He was re-accepted as a changed man. Those 11 years are my High school years...a sort of hibernating period to find out who I am and who I want to be. The early years of apple are my primary years as I figured out the basics to my life and develop unintentionally into who I am.
When Steve Jobs returned, he shook things up...a lot. Life at the company had been boring, with pathetic advances and measly crap ideas. I'm not going to give you Apple's history in it's entirety...but if you want it, you can ask me later. Basically, I look at myself now as I look at Apple in 1996. I am under new jurisdiction. I have a future ahead of me that is completely new ad untouched. I am cutting loose from the ties of high school and walking into the unknown, and I can be WHAT I WANT to be. I can sketch out a whole entirely new person for myself to be. Nobody has to know of my past, it is essentially obsolete. Sure people knew the company Apple used to be, but think. What first comes to your mind when it is mentioned? iPod, music revolution, superior design and function (maybe not...but it should)
No matter who you are, everyone needs this. To shake free of the stupid choices we made in jr. high, and to just live life how you want it.
For the first time in a long time, I am completely content with who I am and who I am about to become. I am going to make a list of things I wanna be rid of and things I want to take with me n my journey to college, maybe I'll even pick up a few traits.
I love Apple.
jeudi 25 janvier 2007
Most Good Days End in Crappy Nights
Sorry folks this is going to be a whirlwind update on my life...basically a rundown of y day, half good half bad.
This morning started out rather normal. I got up, got a credit card offer in the mail, and loafed around. I was then offered to join a few awesome folks in a trip to the mall...how could I pass this up? I needed a new bag for school, earrings, and a birthday gift for a birthday that happened a week ago. I came out of the mall with none of these things. Instead, I came out with a bag from Charlotte Russe and H&M. I made the ultimate savings at CR...2 for $20 3/4 sleeve shirts...buy one get one half off, $15, then the awesomest...an $18.99 hoodie for $2.99. It was amazing! Then I stocked up a couple tank tops at H&M. It was an amazing trip even though I got nothing accomplished that I needed. Melanie ripped her pants sitting on a bench, it was hilarious, the best part of my day.
Then I got home.
Right off the bat, my mother was bugging me to drag out the sewing machine and quickly sew on all of my brother's boy scout patches. Why she was doing this half an hour before the meeting I don't know. She also wanted me to scan a copy of his records or something. It's not like I have stuff to do.
The power went out for a matter of 2 seconds, meaning my computer shut off...and we don't have a surge protector on my computer (my dad says "we'll get to it") PIP (point in point) When I turned it back on, my ICQ had disappeared. Granted this doesn't bother me so much now that I know I can add ICQ numbers as screen names to my AIM, but the screed is now what I call unbalanced. I don't like not having it there. I attempted to download the program about 30 times, ad it was doing some weird thing where it tried to open some nonexistant Word document. It really got to pissing me off, which really got to pissing me off that my computer is almost inferior to PC in the eyes of others. Our programs are not nearly as updated (my AIM is equivelant to te one on PC from about 6th grade, and ICQ hasn't had an upgrade in 4 years) Why is this? Just because fewer people use Mac does not mean that they don't care about having updated stuff. Mac users actually expect the best because let's face it, most f us are pompous assholes who thing that we are superior because we use the computer of the future. Just shoot me.
Since my sewing machine was out, I decided to make a school bag (the one that I didn't get around to buying today). I accomplished a sore back and 2 small travel size pillowcases, on has a pocket. Apparantly I am incompetant to do simple stuff like that, and I don't know why...tonight was just not my night.
Grey's Anatomy was pretty awesome.
Next stop on my mother's hell train...Avon President's Club Scholarship Application..."is it filled out yet?" Mostly mom, just having trouble with these last couple of questions...
Make a brief statement or summary of your plans as they relate to your educational and career objectives and long term goals.
WTF am I supposed to make of that????
Please describe how and when any unusual family or personal circumstances have affected your achievement in school, work experience, or your participatio in school and community activities.
Well, they're asking the question, I might as well just not submit the application because now I'm out. So what if I haven't had a crappy life? So what that my conjoined twin sisters didn't die of leukemia and my grandfather didn't die doing backflips in the circus and I wasn't fighting a brain tumor with three broken legs all in my Junior year of high school. I still deserve contention for a scholarship. Since when did scholarships become based on 3 things, need, merit and crappy life? not every scholarship is the crappy life scholarship and I think scholarship granting people need to realize that. I am so sick of being overlooked because I haven't struggled to keep an ounce of sanity as my world is turned upside-down or my family isn't living in a one bedroom shack paycheck to paycheck. It does not necessarily mean that I can afford college. Ugh.
Basically tonight, the world started to piss me off...
Anyone want some travel size pillowcases??? They are rather cute.
This morning started out rather normal. I got up, got a credit card offer in the mail, and loafed around. I was then offered to join a few awesome folks in a trip to the mall...how could I pass this up? I needed a new bag for school, earrings, and a birthday gift for a birthday that happened a week ago. I came out of the mall with none of these things. Instead, I came out with a bag from Charlotte Russe and H&M. I made the ultimate savings at CR...2 for $20 3/4 sleeve shirts...buy one get one half off, $15, then the awesomest...an $18.99 hoodie for $2.99. It was amazing! Then I stocked up a couple tank tops at H&M. It was an amazing trip even though I got nothing accomplished that I needed. Melanie ripped her pants sitting on a bench, it was hilarious, the best part of my day.
Then I got home.
Right off the bat, my mother was bugging me to drag out the sewing machine and quickly sew on all of my brother's boy scout patches. Why she was doing this half an hour before the meeting I don't know. She also wanted me to scan a copy of his records or something. It's not like I have stuff to do.
The power went out for a matter of 2 seconds, meaning my computer shut off...and we don't have a surge protector on my computer (my dad says "we'll get to it") PIP (point in point) When I turned it back on, my ICQ had disappeared. Granted this doesn't bother me so much now that I know I can add ICQ numbers as screen names to my AIM, but the screed is now what I call unbalanced. I don't like not having it there. I attempted to download the program about 30 times, ad it was doing some weird thing where it tried to open some nonexistant Word document. It really got to pissing me off, which really got to pissing me off that my computer is almost inferior to PC in the eyes of others. Our programs are not nearly as updated (my AIM is equivelant to te one on PC from about 6th grade, and ICQ hasn't had an upgrade in 4 years) Why is this? Just because fewer people use Mac does not mean that they don't care about having updated stuff. Mac users actually expect the best because let's face it, most f us are pompous assholes who thing that we are superior because we use the computer of the future. Just shoot me.
Since my sewing machine was out, I decided to make a school bag (the one that I didn't get around to buying today). I accomplished a sore back and 2 small travel size pillowcases, on has a pocket. Apparantly I am incompetant to do simple stuff like that, and I don't know why...tonight was just not my night.
Grey's Anatomy was pretty awesome.
Next stop on my mother's hell train...Avon President's Club Scholarship Application..."is it filled out yet?" Mostly mom, just having trouble with these last couple of questions...
Make a brief statement or summary of your plans as they relate to your educational and career objectives and long term goals.
WTF am I supposed to make of that????
Please describe how and when any unusual family or personal circumstances have affected your achievement in school, work experience, or your participatio in school and community activities.
Well, they're asking the question, I might as well just not submit the application because now I'm out. So what if I haven't had a crappy life? So what that my conjoined twin sisters didn't die of leukemia and my grandfather didn't die doing backflips in the circus and I wasn't fighting a brain tumor with three broken legs all in my Junior year of high school. I still deserve contention for a scholarship. Since when did scholarships become based on 3 things, need, merit and crappy life? not every scholarship is the crappy life scholarship and I think scholarship granting people need to realize that. I am so sick of being overlooked because I haven't struggled to keep an ounce of sanity as my world is turned upside-down or my family isn't living in a one bedroom shack paycheck to paycheck. It does not necessarily mean that I can afford college. Ugh.
Basically tonight, the world started to piss me off...
Anyone want some travel size pillowcases??? They are rather cute.
Another Day Gone By
Today turned ot to be far more uneventful than I would have hoped. I got up, talked online for a bit, went to modified practice, went grocery shopping and started a jigsaw puzzle while my homework sat beside me untouched.
I did however get my first acceptance letter to a college...Allegheny College to be exact. It wasn't a surprise, but I'm officially in now if I want it. They also told me that I have been granted a Trustee Scholarship of amount to be determined, this is their highest scholarship and I'm happy.
I also took a personality profiler test...I hate these things. They always emphasize the negative, and things you already know and hat about yourself. This one was particularly fun, asking me hypothetical statements and having me reply agree disagree or somewhere in the tween zone. My particular favorite: I am mystical, I strongly disagreed. Here's the results if anyone cares:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous
it always saddens me when these things are right.
However, I have one thing that this test does not have...good friends, one in particular who likes large parties...and this particular friend (name beginnung with Ray and ending with chole) pointed out a few key traits that this test did not pick up on...
fun, loyal friend, intelligent, excellent sense of humor, balance to careless friends, thoughtful, always remembers birthdays, great gift-giver, efficient worker, prioritizer, loving even though she wouldn't admit it...
I find it ever helpful to have optimistic friends, and I love them so.
Each one of my friends is special to me.
From Rachel, who does stuff like this and always is coming out with little surprises that just amaze me each and every day as to how wonderful a friend can be,
to Melanie, my partner in criminalistic activity, our personalities and views on life may clash sooo much, but when we're together, there is no knowing what to expect...it is always awesome though.
Carolyn has it together, or at least she makes it look that way. She is extremely intelligent and can be my go to gal for almost any situation. She has opened my mind to so many things, mostly in the music department.
Emily is Emily, she's a bit off the walls, but always a bundle of joy. Spontaneous and wild, she has brought a lot of good times to my life over the past 10 years.
There are also three people I've met this year who have changed my life FOREVER. I've come to the serious realization of what I need to be in order to succeed outside of High School...not a bitch, and these girls have shown it to me by showing me how to make new friends and be loyal to each. I seriously don't know what I would have done had these girls not come into my life, though I'm sure I would be getting by just fine. I hate referring to them as a group, but it's hard not to and I know everyone knows who I'm talking about, but Tyna, Irenka and Jitka have really brought me out this year.
Thank you all of my friends.
When did this post become so mushy gushy? Oh yeah, when I needed sleep, sorry about that folks, but I'm not going to erase it. This quickly became an interesting entry, but that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.
good night folks, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
I did however get my first acceptance letter to a college...Allegheny College to be exact. It wasn't a surprise, but I'm officially in now if I want it. They also told me that I have been granted a Trustee Scholarship of amount to be determined, this is their highest scholarship and I'm happy.
I also took a personality profiler test...I hate these things. They always emphasize the negative, and things you already know and hat about yourself. This one was particularly fun, asking me hypothetical statements and having me reply agree disagree or somewhere in the tween zone. My particular favorite: I am mystical, I strongly disagreed. Here's the results if anyone cares:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous
it always saddens me when these things are right.
However, I have one thing that this test does not have...good friends, one in particular who likes large parties...and this particular friend (name beginnung with Ray and ending with chole) pointed out a few key traits that this test did not pick up on...
fun, loyal friend, intelligent, excellent sense of humor, balance to careless friends, thoughtful, always remembers birthdays, great gift-giver, efficient worker, prioritizer, loving even though she wouldn't admit it...
I find it ever helpful to have optimistic friends, and I love them so.
Each one of my friends is special to me.
From Rachel, who does stuff like this and always is coming out with little surprises that just amaze me each and every day as to how wonderful a friend can be,
to Melanie, my partner in criminalistic activity, our personalities and views on life may clash sooo much, but when we're together, there is no knowing what to expect...it is always awesome though.
Carolyn has it together, or at least she makes it look that way. She is extremely intelligent and can be my go to gal for almost any situation. She has opened my mind to so many things, mostly in the music department.
Emily is Emily, she's a bit off the walls, but always a bundle of joy. Spontaneous and wild, she has brought a lot of good times to my life over the past 10 years.
There are also three people I've met this year who have changed my life FOREVER. I've come to the serious realization of what I need to be in order to succeed outside of High School...not a bitch, and these girls have shown it to me by showing me how to make new friends and be loyal to each. I seriously don't know what I would have done had these girls not come into my life, though I'm sure I would be getting by just fine. I hate referring to them as a group, but it's hard not to and I know everyone knows who I'm talking about, but Tyna, Irenka and Jitka have really brought me out this year.
Thank you all of my friends.
When did this post become so mushy gushy? Oh yeah, when I needed sleep, sorry about that folks, but I'm not going to erase it. This quickly became an interesting entry, but that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.
good night folks, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
mardi 23 janvier 2007
Oh Wondrous Being
My afternoon became a rather uneventful thing. I watched old episodes of Alias and Tru Calling, and took four hours to clean a keyboard. It is sparkling white now tough and that makes me rather happy. I decided that this computer is officially mine and nobody else's. Therefore I took everyone elses stuff off the desk (and there was a lot of it), I cleared about 2,000 songs from my iTunes, and deleted a ton of pictures that are not mine. It is feeling much more like home.
While cleaning my keyboard, I spilled a glass of water. It nearly ruined an $80 basket and a priceless DVD set. It was a scary moment.
My mom wants to know what medical school I am going to...WTF!?!?!
and there is my afternoon...haha...nothing fun, I just was bored and have recently determined that I'm obsessed with my blog, I love updating it and I don't know why.
While cleaning my keyboard, I spilled a glass of water. It nearly ruined an $80 basket and a priceless DVD set. It was a scary moment.
My mom wants to know what medical school I am going to...WTF!?!?!
and there is my afternoon...haha...nothing fun, I just was bored and have recently determined that I'm obsessed with my blog, I love updating it and I don't know why.
A Normal Whats-Going-Down-in-My-Life Entry
So I'm bored with this 7 day break already. I think I'm gonna clean my room further, take the stickers off my keyboard because they're getting gross, watch some TV, do nothing and do more of nothing. Maybe I'll go to the modified meet today. Who knows, if I'm THAT bored.
So I had some pretty awesome plans for today, but they got spoiled very quickly. Today, I had some plans to go to the mall. I would pick up Tyna, Ireanka and I guess also Jitka now from their English Regents exam at school and just go out there. I need to buy a new bag for school (mine is a little gross), some new earrings (I wanna wear them more often) and maybe some clothes...if I can scrap up the money for it, but most likely the bag and earrings. Tyna needs sneakers, Irenka needs shoes and Jitka likes back flips.
I had the plans all laid out, everyone could go, we were happy...la dee da. Then my mom steps in. I had cleared the idea with her 3 days before. "You're going where with who?" Yeah mom, you know. So last night, January 22 at 22:00, she decides that it's time to put restrictions on Stacy driving. "We never let Michelle drive out to the mall did we" of course my dad, "Doop-dee-doo, uh iduno" "No we did NOT!" to make a longlong story rather short, She decided "I don't want you driving out to the mall so late in the day tomorrow, you can find something else to do, besides, it's pointless to go out there for a freaking school bag. It's absolutely dumb and a wast of gas." So I had to make an ass of myself and call Irenka at around 22:00, thankfully she called the other girls. Now they're going to study at Tyna's and my afternoon is looking crappy.
On another note...I would like to make an analogy out of the AP Calculus midterm...
The AP Calculus midterm would most conveniently be compared with King Kong's older brother, Kenny, on a rampage through the streets of London because somebody took his bottle of booze.
I am done talking of one said AP Calculus midterm and wish to never speak or think of it again.
Done.
So I had some pretty awesome plans for today, but they got spoiled very quickly. Today, I had some plans to go to the mall. I would pick up Tyna, Ireanka and I guess also Jitka now from their English Regents exam at school and just go out there. I need to buy a new bag for school (mine is a little gross), some new earrings (I wanna wear them more often) and maybe some clothes...if I can scrap up the money for it, but most likely the bag and earrings. Tyna needs sneakers, Irenka needs shoes and Jitka likes back flips.
I had the plans all laid out, everyone could go, we were happy...la dee da. Then my mom steps in. I had cleared the idea with her 3 days before. "You're going where with who?" Yeah mom, you know. So last night, January 22 at 22:00, she decides that it's time to put restrictions on Stacy driving. "We never let Michelle drive out to the mall did we" of course my dad, "Doop-dee-doo, uh iduno" "No we did NOT!" to make a longlong story rather short, She decided "I don't want you driving out to the mall so late in the day tomorrow, you can find something else to do, besides, it's pointless to go out there for a freaking school bag. It's absolutely dumb and a wast of gas." So I had to make an ass of myself and call Irenka at around 22:00, thankfully she called the other girls. Now they're going to study at Tyna's and my afternoon is looking crappy.
On another note...I would like to make an analogy out of the AP Calculus midterm...
The AP Calculus midterm would most conveniently be compared with King Kong's older brother, Kenny, on a rampage through the streets of London because somebody took his bottle of booze.
I am done talking of one said AP Calculus midterm and wish to never speak or think of it again.
Done.
lundi 22 janvier 2007
My Analyzing-a-quote entry
The tragedy of modern man is not that he knows less and less about the meaning of his own life but that it bothers him less and less.
-Vaclav Havel
I came across this quote, and I like it. I just hope it won't apply to me. But I see all the dumbasses walking around this world today without a single care in the world. They don't know where they are, they don't know where they're going. They just don't care...unless it's their cell phone or new shirt.
Sometimes I hate this world that we live in, then I look at those who are close around me and I realize that if you look in just the right places, you can find some good among all of the bad.
thanks guys.
-Vaclav Havel
I came across this quote, and I like it. I just hope it won't apply to me. But I see all the dumbasses walking around this world today without a single care in the world. They don't know where they are, they don't know where they're going. They just don't care...unless it's their cell phone or new shirt.
Sometimes I hate this world that we live in, then I look at those who are close around me and I realize that if you look in just the right places, you can find some good among all of the bad.
thanks guys.
dimanche 21 janvier 2007
Let's Try this
So...I seriously am NOT going to let this blog thing go down the drain...it was so close but I saved it at the last minute. I also don't want it to become that thing into which I pour all of my sad feelings and make it depressing, so I will try not to.
I got nothing accomplished this weekend...but I don't care because I have 1.2 days of school this week. When I finally sat down to do my math review packet, I kicked ass at it, so it's all good. And I am so very happy that I have one midterm and it is math. I can handle math because it does not rely on the concrete memorization of facts, it can always be derived from somewhere.
I ran into a dilemma this weekend that I can't discuss here and can only discuss it with a few people with which I feel like sharing it. I just don't know what to do about it, because it's a one way street. I'm going to try to stop explaining it while being vague. Just ask me if you wanna know.
Things brightened tonight on a spontaneous jitters date with two of my favorite foreigners. I don't knw why, but we seem to get each other and things just seem to work out when we talk. I feel kinda guilty when I do this though and I shouldn't, but I feel as though I am abandoning my oldest friends who know me better than anyone else to talk it out with my newest ones. I'm not really abandoning though...again, I give up.
I have an odd feeling lately, a strong feeling to cry. Not of sadness though, of joy. I want to be blown off my feet by something so wonderful that it fills my eyes with tears of joy, but I don't know what it could be. Maybe it's a sort of sign for things to come, that it's going to happen to me soon, but I don't think so. It takes a lot to get me going emotionally like that, though I have eased up over the past year or so. I still just want SOMETHING to happen. it seems that life takes a standstill in winter. That things sort of stop in their tracks and I don't like it. I need something exciting, a little grease on my engine, and basketball season is not the answer...I hate basketball.
I just need something special and I feel guilty for it.
I got nothing accomplished this weekend...but I don't care because I have 1.2 days of school this week. When I finally sat down to do my math review packet, I kicked ass at it, so it's all good. And I am so very happy that I have one midterm and it is math. I can handle math because it does not rely on the concrete memorization of facts, it can always be derived from somewhere.
I ran into a dilemma this weekend that I can't discuss here and can only discuss it with a few people with which I feel like sharing it. I just don't know what to do about it, because it's a one way street. I'm going to try to stop explaining it while being vague. Just ask me if you wanna know.
Things brightened tonight on a spontaneous jitters date with two of my favorite foreigners. I don't knw why, but we seem to get each other and things just seem to work out when we talk. I feel kinda guilty when I do this though and I shouldn't, but I feel as though I am abandoning my oldest friends who know me better than anyone else to talk it out with my newest ones. I'm not really abandoning though...again, I give up.
I have an odd feeling lately, a strong feeling to cry. Not of sadness though, of joy. I want to be blown off my feet by something so wonderful that it fills my eyes with tears of joy, but I don't know what it could be. Maybe it's a sort of sign for things to come, that it's going to happen to me soon, but I don't think so. It takes a lot to get me going emotionally like that, though I have eased up over the past year or so. I still just want SOMETHING to happen. it seems that life takes a standstill in winter. That things sort of stop in their tracks and I don't like it. I need something exciting, a little grease on my engine, and basketball season is not the answer...I hate basketball.
I just need something special and I feel guilty for it.
dimanche 7 janvier 2007
Will I ever?
The question that's been burning in my head for the last 2 months:
Will I ever be able to kiss a boy?
I just don't know and it's driving me insane...
Will I ever be able to kiss a boy?
I just don't know and it's driving me insane...
First Timer
This is officially the first blog I've kept since over a year ago when I used to keep a livejournal...this is so much better though. A lot of things have changed with time also. right now, this is probably not the best time for me to be posting because I am sick and a little bit stressed and frustrated and anti-parakeet.
I have come to recognize parakeet as an adjective thanks to an interesting man I met this past week. I won't share the whole story because I don't feel as if it is the business of too many people, but basically, this man told me that I should take life examples from the parakeet (he cited his parakeet...can't remember the name). This means that I should live my life loud and free despite the cage holding me in...as if to say "Stacy's here and what are you gonna do about it!" Of course the idea at the end is to break from the cage and live life fully.
I am not parakeet today.
Lately I have been in a heap of worry over school and next year. I don't know what the heck I want to do...Allegheny or Stony Brook? And also I have been doubting lately whether I can hold up to college. I haven't shared this part with anyone yet, but there's nobody I really feel I should discuss it with. The one person is gone, the other two I always run to in this type of situation and I don't want to keep doing that. So what do I do? I'm seriously been thinking about giving into this thing I am fighting against. If you think I'm being vague, sure I'm not coming out right and saying it, but I think you most likely know what I'm talking about.
I don't feel like making New Years Resolutions, because that would involve pouring out everything wrong about myself and vowing to fix it...I don't think I like that.
One thing I do want to do though is to spend more time with my friends, new and old. It's so hard because I barely have any time left with either group. I wish I had a reason to have a party sometime soon...that would be FUN.
On a happier note because you are probably bored...I love all of my friends. To the bone or pretty close to it. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Maybe toucan should be an adjective.
I have come to recognize parakeet as an adjective thanks to an interesting man I met this past week. I won't share the whole story because I don't feel as if it is the business of too many people, but basically, this man told me that I should take life examples from the parakeet (he cited his parakeet...can't remember the name). This means that I should live my life loud and free despite the cage holding me in...as if to say "Stacy's here and what are you gonna do about it!" Of course the idea at the end is to break from the cage and live life fully.
I am not parakeet today.
Lately I have been in a heap of worry over school and next year. I don't know what the heck I want to do...Allegheny or Stony Brook? And also I have been doubting lately whether I can hold up to college. I haven't shared this part with anyone yet, but there's nobody I really feel I should discuss it with. The one person is gone, the other two I always run to in this type of situation and I don't want to keep doing that. So what do I do? I'm seriously been thinking about giving into this thing I am fighting against. If you think I'm being vague, sure I'm not coming out right and saying it, but I think you most likely know what I'm talking about.
I don't feel like making New Years Resolutions, because that would involve pouring out everything wrong about myself and vowing to fix it...I don't think I like that.
One thing I do want to do though is to spend more time with my friends, new and old. It's so hard because I barely have any time left with either group. I wish I had a reason to have a party sometime soon...that would be FUN.
On a happier note because you are probably bored...I love all of my friends. To the bone or pretty close to it. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Maybe toucan should be an adjective.
Inscription à :
Articles (Atom)
