Wrapping Up the Year

So my senior year is coming to a close and I am really happy. Happy to be out of high school, happy to be going to college, just happy. As it looms ever so much closer, a lot of things I forget about are happening...a lot of them can be referred to as lasts...

• I got my last yearbook today
• last spring-a-palooza
• Tomorrow I finish my last high school final ever
• Last choir concert last week
• Last band concert this week
• Last music fest on sunday
• Last music banquet friday
• Last projects
• Last full month
• I no longer have to listen to morning announcements
  

I'm pretty sure there are many others that I still can't thing of, but they will come upon me and I'll be like...oh yeah, I forgot about that. But until the end, dissecting cats is fun, math sucks and I literally gave up on finishing that project and I am three weeks away from graduation so I don't even care.

ahhh...feels good.

Stacy Tornado 90 Days from Landing Site

So...I've been thinking about this thing lately called college. Allegheny College really. My dorm room in Walker Annex inside one of the most beautiful buildings on campus, chillin with my room mate Ellen, and above all...fantasizing the possibilities. If you know me, and I'm assuming you do, you know what the one thing is in this world that I enjoy doing the most. Organizing. The possibilities are endless here. I'll be in a new space that is completely void of clutter and mess. Nobody has invaded the space in months and it is mine for the organizing.

The difference between this and organizing my own home is that it's new. My house is so full of clutter, and whenever I attempt to do anything here, my brother, mother and father collectively rampage through and ruin it, so I have given up. My room is reminiscent of a life past, my clutters and a time when I did not enjoy organizing so much.

So here I am stuck in this fantasy. My label maker is burning under my fingertips as I frantically type print and cut the neatly typed labels that shall don my important possessions. The shelves and the under bed containers and the desktop organizers. From packing the van full of my worldly materials to placing them neatly in my room, I plan to defy the college clutter syndrome...and keep Ellen out of it too. This whole new level is waiting to be released, and I am ready to let it out.

For one of the first times ever I am thankful for the problem that has plagued my mind for the past three years...I didn't know that would ever be possible. I just hope it doesn't get out of control.

August 25, 2007 the Tornado Stacy will make landing in Meadville...label maker and all =)

WOW...it's really coming fast

So I kind of gave up on this, but now that my life maybe is not so depressing in my eyes, I will start again.

So Senior Ball 2007 was a blast. Pictures are on my facebook if you have access, if not, they will be on shutterfly soon. There were your whores, slutbag hos and punk ass idiots of course, but as with anything, if you stick with your friends you are guaranteed to have fun.

I honestly don't think I realized how many friends I do have until I started planning this whole prom business. It really makes you stop and think...THAT many people love you and they would care if you were to unexpectedly leave, or do something incredible stupid that hurts you an them. I love that feeling. It's security, it's knowing that I exist for something other than my own life. I have an effect on all of these people, and I take that responsibility at heart.

But really now...when did this year happen? Things were going so slow. And now I don't have the time or energy to catch my feet to the ground. Last night was my brick wall of sorts. I was so excited for it all and it was an absolutely amazing night...but seriously now...I only have ONE MORE MONTH with a lot of these people. And then it was an overwhelming rush...did I dance enough with them? Talk enough with her? Pay enough attention to her? Why do we do these things though...ask ourselves these questions..

I have come to a conclusion there. I am afraid of the end. What if these people I love so much will never talk to me again until we are forced into the same room for the 10 year reunion? I would blame myself for not making the bonds of the friendship so ionic that they are unbreakable.

One thing I feel guilty about is the thing I am the most afraid of and looking forward to the least. June 24, 2007, I will see one of the most amazing people I have met in years get on a plane to travel about 4,600 miles back to her home. And I won't see her again for at least three years, if ever. The next day, June 25, 2007, I have to do it again. This for me is the most awful thing of all. It even undermines graduation and makes the though of it depressing. June 23, 2007 will be the happiest day of my life to date...I hope. But the two days following could perhaps be the most depressing.

I love my other friends just as much. the difference is that we have a summer together, and that we come back for Christmas and the summer, and with the exception of Melanie, we are all here.

Gatting old is a rollercoaster...I guess I'm on that really up-down hilly part right at the end. That's ok, because then it pulls into the station and begins the climb to my next life climax.

Ahoj.