I got hit by it then got on. I accepted myself to my college of choice, started getting absolutely psyched about it and talked about it a lot. Now I see no point in going to high school. I will here quote the blog of Rachel for specific reference to the way i feel...just because I'm lazy and Rachel explains it so nicely.
I. Hate. High School. I wish I could convey my level of disgust over the internet, but it's just not possible. I feel about CCHS the way most people feel about diarrhea. From the way it's always, always cold, to that specific CCHS smell lingering in the halls, to the lockers and flooring and wall tiles from the 70's (avacado green, urine yellow and burnt orange,) to all of the busywork classes that waste my life away and the people that hate to be there just as much as I do. I'm tired of eating lunch in the same exact place every day and always without fail having to ask permission to go to the bathroom. I hate getting up at quarter to six every single weekday. I hate it when teachers outline your projects for you so that everyone does it their specific way, and hand you packets because they can think of nothing beter to do with their lesson time. I hate it when people are already ooing and ahhing over prom, and the teachers that are already flipping out about APs. I can't think straight in that place, I cannot breathe there.
I want to be treated like an adult. I want to be trusted to use the bathroom when I need to. I want everyone to chill, just chill; if I go out for lunch you can trust me to show up for my next class, I'm not going to blow up the school, and prom is not for three months yet. Chill.
To everyone who has moved beyond high school, I know, I know it's not the end of the world. Believe me, I know. But if you had to get written permission to walk twenty feet down the hall and grab a pen out of your locker, you would be pretty grumpy, too.
So yeah...I've been a bit grumpy lately, I haven't been able to sleep, AP Bio is killing my brain, and I'm just sick of things...which is pathetic because we just finished break, and really depressing because we have five straight weeks of school with no days off...oh March...in like a lion, through like hell, out like a freaking blue whale, if I make it that far.
So yeah, that's all I really feel like posting.
Oh yeah, y'all may have noticed an awesome person posting a comment on my last entry named Ellen...that's my room mate next year so you better get used to her!!! That's right, I have a roommate and it feels awesome...another thing that has been fueling immensely my senioritis.
mardi 27 février 2007
samedi 24 février 2007
Content as a Clam
So it's been a week since I chose my school officially. And I could not feel better. I feel so far beyond content that it's nearly scary. I haven't felt this light and free in years. I enjoy so much talking about Allegheny and thinking about the opportunities available to me next year. Something that I discovered this week was the best feeling in the world and I never knew it...filling out a declination of admission card to a college you really don't want to go to but were only considering because of money. IT FELT AMAZING!
Now I wanna do stuff, like shop for coordinating plastic hangers and even jump ahead so far as to meet my roommate. I've met a few people in an Allegheny Class of 2011 group on facebook, and there are some really cool people and then there are also some real assfaces who want to look like idiots by having a huge party the first night. Yeah, hopefully half of them drop out before graduation haha...evil thoughts already.
But still, I am psyched for this whole experience!
Now I wanna do stuff, like shop for coordinating plastic hangers and even jump ahead so far as to meet my roommate. I've met a few people in an Allegheny Class of 2011 group on facebook, and there are some really cool people and then there are also some real assfaces who want to look like idiots by having a huge party the first night. Yeah, hopefully half of them drop out before graduation haha...evil thoughts already.
But still, I am psyched for this whole experience!
mardi 20 février 2007
A Decision to Hold My Life On
The biggest thing on many of our minds these days is college. We all want to get there as fast as possible. Whether it be the person sitting at last Fridays pep rally just thinking that if they had to sit through another of those, they would have to shoot themselves, or the huge argument that you had with your mother this week. We have all realized that High School has nothing left to offer us. Home life is getting unbearable. Above all, we are ready to turn the page and venture to the next chapter in our lives.
So here I must begin to start writing it, make it official, insert it into the table of contents right after adolescence and high school.
COLLEGE
It all starts as a junior in high school, for some, including myself, even sophomore year with that first test we all take: PSAT. I hated that thing and didn't take again as a junior. But this test became an invitation for hundreds of colleges to add me to their mile long address book and start sending me junk asking me to go to their college. Le Moyne, Gannon, Geneseo, some random college in Guatemala. It's all so confusing and overwhelming, and as you look through all of the mailings, ou can't help but look at each one and wonder, is this where I will be in three years?
For the majority of the trees that came through my post box, they were trashed and never thought of again. However, I can't help but remember one particular mailing that I got from a college my sophomore year. It was from some little college in Pennsylvania and had it not been for their catch phrase, I would have never looked at them twice...A liberal arts college where 1,200 students with unusual combinations and interests excel. I have unusual combinations and I have unusual interests, why not?
Two years later now. I have a 32 ACT under my belt, AP Biology rules my life, and I don't have very many worries in the world. I have completed all of my college applications and now I just need to hear back from them. One particular sunny and cold winter day, I received a piece of mail from Allegheny college, the same one that caught my heart two years before. I had completed their "leadership application" and had been waiting for about a month. I had been accepted, not a big deal really, but the real story is that they had given me their highest scholarship. 60,000 dollars over 4 years of school, that's 15,000 dollars a year. I was ecstatic. This was a huge breakthrough in my college decision. Sure it didn't bring the price down to Stony Brook level, but it was now only a few thousand more a year to go to the place that I really felt I belonged.
So i think this is me closing the door. No more room for decision. I didn't care if it still costs me 20,000 dollars a year to go there, loans are a given. Allegheny College of Meadville Pennsylvania, watch out, Stacy is coming to stay.
So here I must begin to start writing it, make it official, insert it into the table of contents right after adolescence and high school.
COLLEGE
It all starts as a junior in high school, for some, including myself, even sophomore year with that first test we all take: PSAT. I hated that thing and didn't take again as a junior. But this test became an invitation for hundreds of colleges to add me to their mile long address book and start sending me junk asking me to go to their college. Le Moyne, Gannon, Geneseo, some random college in Guatemala. It's all so confusing and overwhelming, and as you look through all of the mailings, ou can't help but look at each one and wonder, is this where I will be in three years?
For the majority of the trees that came through my post box, they were trashed and never thought of again. However, I can't help but remember one particular mailing that I got from a college my sophomore year. It was from some little college in Pennsylvania and had it not been for their catch phrase, I would have never looked at them twice...A liberal arts college where 1,200 students with unusual combinations and interests excel. I have unusual combinations and I have unusual interests, why not?
Two years later now. I have a 32 ACT under my belt, AP Biology rules my life, and I don't have very many worries in the world. I have completed all of my college applications and now I just need to hear back from them. One particular sunny and cold winter day, I received a piece of mail from Allegheny college, the same one that caught my heart two years before. I had completed their "leadership application" and had been waiting for about a month. I had been accepted, not a big deal really, but the real story is that they had given me their highest scholarship. 60,000 dollars over 4 years of school, that's 15,000 dollars a year. I was ecstatic. This was a huge breakthrough in my college decision. Sure it didn't bring the price down to Stony Brook level, but it was now only a few thousand more a year to go to the place that I really felt I belonged.
So i think this is me closing the door. No more room for decision. I didn't care if it still costs me 20,000 dollars a year to go there, loans are a given. Allegheny College of Meadville Pennsylvania, watch out, Stacy is coming to stay.
dimanche 18 février 2007
So It's to Be
It's been a couple weeks, and a LOT has happened.
We won the regional Ocean's Bowl...aka the Bay Scallop Bowl. Therefore I am a grand richer and aparantly I can't spend a penny of it for my own enjoyment. It either goes entirely to a French Horn, or it goes entirely toward my first semester of books. Fantastic. This news came last night when I shared with my family what I thought were my official plans for the money were...I was gonna buy myself a nice jacket and then hit the slopes for the first time in my life, then with the rest, I was gonna start a send Stacy to the Czech Republic fund, so that in a few years, I will be able to traverse the Atlantic Ocean to see the friends with which I have become really close this year and could very well never see again otherwise. Well that's shot.
Monday, Rachel and Melanie took me out for a night on the town...that meant no swim lessons, gelato, club and James Franco. It was amazing.
The resqt of the week was spent failing a bio test (probably) and technically failing a math test but still getting a 90. Snow day on Wednesday was amazing...not really though because I couldn't do anything. I still got to feel like a kid and collapse in the snow and remember what it used to be like...then remembering why I don't do that anymore because I couldn't get up. It was pretty cool though. I threw my dog into a pile of snow that was much larger than him, then had to rescue him.
Pep rally was...the pep rally. Nothing special, but Friday night was pretty fun. Swimming party fizzled, so I ended up playing in the snow at Rachel's then watching the worst movie ever...never watch Marie Antoinette, it is terrible.
But here I sit now, trying to think of what else happened and knowing I forgot something in there that nobody cares about anyhow, and I am just revelling in the week ahead. No school, no worries. I don't even have any homework! I am still gonna try to get most of my research paper done, and most of my Bio question set out of the way. This week I intend to be productive.
And tomorrow I get to go to the chiropractor!!!
Really though, I have nothing planned so call me up and lets do something. Tuesday and Thursday I have Snow Volleyball planning meetings, but that's nothing. I wanna do stuff this February break, because I usually don't do stuff.
I must get back to cleaning my room so I can do whatever the heck I want this week!!
We won the regional Ocean's Bowl...aka the Bay Scallop Bowl. Therefore I am a grand richer and aparantly I can't spend a penny of it for my own enjoyment. It either goes entirely to a French Horn, or it goes entirely toward my first semester of books. Fantastic. This news came last night when I shared with my family what I thought were my official plans for the money were...I was gonna buy myself a nice jacket and then hit the slopes for the first time in my life, then with the rest, I was gonna start a send Stacy to the Czech Republic fund, so that in a few years, I will be able to traverse the Atlantic Ocean to see the friends with which I have become really close this year and could very well never see again otherwise. Well that's shot.
Monday, Rachel and Melanie took me out for a night on the town...that meant no swim lessons, gelato, club and James Franco. It was amazing.
The resqt of the week was spent failing a bio test (probably) and technically failing a math test but still getting a 90. Snow day on Wednesday was amazing...not really though because I couldn't do anything. I still got to feel like a kid and collapse in the snow and remember what it used to be like...then remembering why I don't do that anymore because I couldn't get up. It was pretty cool though. I threw my dog into a pile of snow that was much larger than him, then had to rescue him.
Pep rally was...the pep rally. Nothing special, but Friday night was pretty fun. Swimming party fizzled, so I ended up playing in the snow at Rachel's then watching the worst movie ever...never watch Marie Antoinette, it is terrible.
But here I sit now, trying to think of what else happened and knowing I forgot something in there that nobody cares about anyhow, and I am just revelling in the week ahead. No school, no worries. I don't even have any homework! I am still gonna try to get most of my research paper done, and most of my Bio question set out of the way. This week I intend to be productive.
And tomorrow I get to go to the chiropractor!!!
Really though, I have nothing planned so call me up and lets do something. Tuesday and Thursday I have Snow Volleyball planning meetings, but that's nothing. I wanna do stuff this February break, because I usually don't do stuff.
I must get back to cleaning my room so I can do whatever the heck I want this week!!
mardi 6 février 2007
Friendship...
I've had friendships all my life, everybody has. It's something that everybody needs to make them feel good and to give them support. Family is great and all, but I seriously share more with my friends than ever with my family. Almost never though is every friendship perfect. Friendship is not meant to be easy.
I've learned a lot about my friends and friendship in general this past year.
I've learned a friendship can't be repaired in one night
Nor can it be made...
but it can so easily be broken in that same amount of time.
I've learned of the dangers of sharing too much with one friend
and not enough with another.
I've learned that some friends want you to bend over backward to meet their needs
and make them happy
but others get angry if you strive too hard.
I have few great friendships
and sometimes it feels like I have not one
but always the same people come back in the end.
after the rifts of life have tossed them a few times over the ocean.
or after the real world bit them in the ass.
That is a friendship.
You don't always have to get along, and you won't.
You just need something to come back to.
I hope I always have something to come back to, and that I don't lose that in college. Without my friends, oldest to newest, I just might have taken a flight out of an office building window a year and a half ago.
NEVER give up the fight because it is worth it in the end.
I've learned a lot about my friends and friendship in general this past year.
I've learned a friendship can't be repaired in one night
Nor can it be made...
but it can so easily be broken in that same amount of time.
I've learned of the dangers of sharing too much with one friend
and not enough with another.
I've learned that some friends want you to bend over backward to meet their needs
and make them happy
but others get angry if you strive too hard.
I have few great friendships
and sometimes it feels like I have not one
but always the same people come back in the end.
after the rifts of life have tossed them a few times over the ocean.
or after the real world bit them in the ass.
That is a friendship.
You don't always have to get along, and you won't.
You just need something to come back to.
I hope I always have something to come back to, and that I don't lose that in college. Without my friends, oldest to newest, I just might have taken a flight out of an office building window a year and a half ago.
NEVER give up the fight because it is worth it in the end.
dimanche 4 février 2007
Spanish Speakers Beware
Je vais écrire ce blog complètement en français. Il sera un défi pour moi, mais il sera aussi bon pour améliorer mon français.
Je dois vous dire que s'est passé hier soir, c'était très excité et un peut drôle. Le concurrence de Science Olympiad était très ennuyeux et quand je suis retournée chez moi, j'avais faim. Mes parents sont sortis; ma mère est allée à un boum, mon père travaillait, et aussi mon frère était sur le point d'aller chez un amie.
Je n'ai pas voulu manger le dîner seule, alors j'ai telephoné Tyna. Nous sommes sorties à Stone's pour manger le dîner. Nous avons mangé les hamburgers avec fromage. Vous rendez compte que quand nous sommes parties à Stone's, il faisait du soleil et il faisait froid, mais beau tout le même. Nous étions sur le point de partir, mais la serveuse nous a dit qu'il faisait très mauvais, c'était une tempête de neige. Nous avons décidé de rester au restaurant depuis il ne faisait pas si mauvais; environ une heure.
Quand nous sommes sorties du restaurant, le neige était partout! Il était environ vingt centimetres du neige sur ma voiture je ne le m'attendais pas! Il était très très froid et mes doigts ont gélé très vite. Tyna et moi ont changé des places dans la voiture et se brossé la voiture.
Au lieu de conduire chez Tyna, j'ai conduis chez moi depuis ma mère est retournée. Nous avons chang" nos pantalons et regardé.
Ce soir, j'ai été cencé aller chez Emily pour voir les films avec Rachel, Carolyn, Mel et Emily. Malheureusement nous avons dû annuler notre plan à cause du météo. C'est pour le bon, les rues étaient couvrir avec le neige et le vent le soufflait, ce n'est pas amusant.
Tous en tous, Tyna est drôle, les plus mauvaises choses se produisent au pis aller des periodes, et beaucoup de neige n'zst pas amusant dedans conduire.
Et aussi, j'aime écrire en français :)
Je dois vous dire que s'est passé hier soir, c'était très excité et un peut drôle. Le concurrence de Science Olympiad était très ennuyeux et quand je suis retournée chez moi, j'avais faim. Mes parents sont sortis; ma mère est allée à un boum, mon père travaillait, et aussi mon frère était sur le point d'aller chez un amie.
Je n'ai pas voulu manger le dîner seule, alors j'ai telephoné Tyna. Nous sommes sorties à Stone's pour manger le dîner. Nous avons mangé les hamburgers avec fromage. Vous rendez compte que quand nous sommes parties à Stone's, il faisait du soleil et il faisait froid, mais beau tout le même. Nous étions sur le point de partir, mais la serveuse nous a dit qu'il faisait très mauvais, c'était une tempête de neige. Nous avons décidé de rester au restaurant depuis il ne faisait pas si mauvais; environ une heure.
Quand nous sommes sorties du restaurant, le neige était partout! Il était environ vingt centimetres du neige sur ma voiture je ne le m'attendais pas! Il était très très froid et mes doigts ont gélé très vite. Tyna et moi ont changé des places dans la voiture et se brossé la voiture.
Au lieu de conduire chez Tyna, j'ai conduis chez moi depuis ma mère est retournée. Nous avons chang" nos pantalons et regardé.
Ce soir, j'ai été cencé aller chez Emily pour voir les films avec Rachel, Carolyn, Mel et Emily. Malheureusement nous avons dû annuler notre plan à cause du météo. C'est pour le bon, les rues étaient couvrir avec le neige et le vent le soufflait, ce n'est pas amusant.
Tous en tous, Tyna est drôle, les plus mauvaises choses se produisent au pis aller des periodes, et beaucoup de neige n'zst pas amusant dedans conduire.
Et aussi, j'aime écrire en français :)
vendredi 2 février 2007
décevoir...zklamat...disappoint
dis·ap·point 
[dis-uh-point] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –verb (used with object)
The word of my day.
or week.
This dictionary definition seems so simple. Just another thing that you may run across in your life, another word. It's the feeling that says it all, when it's crushing down on you from all directions in every possible sense. That's when it hurts.
Merideth Grey's mother showed disappointment last night on Grey's Anatomy. How did she handle it? Anger. Lots of anger.
Half of the United States will be disappointed on Sunday, when the team they are rooting for in the Super Bowl loses, it's a 50/50 gamble for disappointment. How will they handle it? Drinking maybe. Maybe they will just go to bed and sleep it off, there is no way of knowing. The players will be disappointed in to $40,000 checks coming to their mansion when they know the other team is getting $75,000.
Different things disappoint different people, that is the point. Different people take disappointment differently.
Apparently I curl into my hovel of self and get depressed.
I feel as though disappointment ran my life this week. I promise things I can't live up to, causing disappointment to others. People I know continually disappoint me in their actions choices and the amount of love they are capable of.
I hate disappointment. Until it is felt, it has no meaning, it's just a word. You can say it in fifty languages and have nobody understand, but you can throw it at them in an emotional torrent and suddenly they understand. décevoir, zklamat, skuffe, teleurstellen, enttäuschen...they all mean one thing.
Actions do speak louder than words folks, and it's about time to realize that, before you feel the power of disappointment.
[dis-uh-point] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –verb (used with object) | 1. | to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of: His gross ingratitude disappointed us. |
| 2. | to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate: to be disappointed in love. |
The word of my day.
or week.
This dictionary definition seems so simple. Just another thing that you may run across in your life, another word. It's the feeling that says it all, when it's crushing down on you from all directions in every possible sense. That's when it hurts.
Merideth Grey's mother showed disappointment last night on Grey's Anatomy. How did she handle it? Anger. Lots of anger.
Half of the United States will be disappointed on Sunday, when the team they are rooting for in the Super Bowl loses, it's a 50/50 gamble for disappointment. How will they handle it? Drinking maybe. Maybe they will just go to bed and sleep it off, there is no way of knowing. The players will be disappointed in to $40,000 checks coming to their mansion when they know the other team is getting $75,000.
Different things disappoint different people, that is the point. Different people take disappointment differently.
Apparently I curl into my hovel of self and get depressed.
I feel as though disappointment ran my life this week. I promise things I can't live up to, causing disappointment to others. People I know continually disappoint me in their actions choices and the amount of love they are capable of.
I hate disappointment. Until it is felt, it has no meaning, it's just a word. You can say it in fifty languages and have nobody understand, but you can throw it at them in an emotional torrent and suddenly they understand. décevoir, zklamat, skuffe, teleurstellen, enttäuschen...they all mean one thing.
Actions do speak louder than words folks, and it's about time to realize that, before you feel the power of disappointment.
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